Only Fools Rush In

The post title is thematic but also to serve as a caution or warning to anyone that moves in haste without weighing up a situation and thus, having evaluated the variables and potential outcome(s), can be more confident of a satisfactory outcome. I have said before that "many a foolish move was made in haste" - I think it is attributed to Shakespeare, but I cannot be sure. To quote B.B. King though; "Never make your move too soon". There are many proverbs that offer similar advice; "Don't be so quick to judge", "marry in haste, repent at leisure" etc. etc. Another proverb that springs to mind is the one that says; "A foolish man speaks all his mind". I believe this to be true. Very true. This blog will say something or other but not all of my mind. I don't wish to be foolish. There is an old Chinese saying that states; "Drops of water will in time wear away a stone, but a rainstorm will leave it unchanged". To anyone with common sense, this is obvious.

Throughout history there have been predictions that "the end is nigh". This has never been so true as today though, somewhat paradoxically, one could have made the same utterance a century ago or less and it would have sounded just as relevant. Since the rise of the internet during the past twenty or so years there is more information available about many different things. The variety of subjects is as diverse as human knowledge itself and the internet - as a means of disseminating knowledge - has turned many people into "experts" (I use the term very loosely). There is no doubt that it has helped educate people and hopefully it will continue to do so but INFORMATION, be it accurate or not, can cause problems. In the first instance it can enable a person or persons of a certain mindset to "do" things. There are two sides to the coin; are these good or bad things? Then, in the second instance, will that information (the inaccurate kind) help or hinder a person? Returning to the coin metaphor; will a life be saved or not owing to the use of the information? This is another big question in the field of ethics and moral philosophy - look up "The Trolley Problem"...

Worldwide, security agencies and others in social sciences have - in my mind - perfectly legitimate concerns about the availability of information, both the accurate or inaccurate kind. Some have questioned the liberty of the internet with plausible arguments regarding the restriction of various kinds of information. A radical individual could use certain information to do terrible things. Now, terrible things are being done and have been since the dawn of history but the growing world population, the radicalisation of certain groups of people, nutters acting "in the name of God", perfectly intelligent people also acting "in the name of God" and others have an almost inexhaustible supply of information available. This information is not just the recipe for a good curry or how to knit socks but also how to build machine tools, or mix up various chemicals and... well, you get the idea.

The question of whether it is right to withhold information is a subject of hot debate amongst philosophers, social scientists, peace activists, warmongers et al. I believe that it is important to allow "most" information to be available as it can help humanity as a whole. It is those that seek to manipulate humanity with information - "good" and "bad" - and create an "uber class" (regardless of the political ideology behind them) that have earned my suspicion. In Nazi Germany, book burning happened a great deal in the early years of the regime. Those scientists that did not manage to escape were forced to work against their own personal principals. In Soviet Russia, Lenin expelled or ordered the execution of intellectuals, others that "may" or "may not" have shared his ideals, those considered a threat. There were also the Romanov's. The control of information has been historically a "tool" to further a particular aim. Stalin (along with sending perhaps millions to their death in "social experiments" and the notorious gulags) was said to have kept a copy of Machiavelli's "The Prince" at his bedside.

There are numerous other examples throughout history. In particular, I am also brought to the thought of the destruction (there were several attempts) of the Great Library of Alexandria.

There are perhaps forces at work in the world that see these things as being of good but I believe that they may be misguided in their motivation. It is of the greatest importance to humanity and all else that dwell on the only habitable planet we (as ordinary folk) can be sure of. The desire to "be the rulers", "to act in the name of God", to "make the world a better place" is what may be the main difficulty facing us and our fellow beings. Radical activism can draw its' own share of nutters (regardless of their "good intentions"). Political radicalism can disenfranchise huge numbers of perfectly good, reasonable and morally sound people. In fact the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", springs to mind. The things I describe happen all of the time. One only has to watch/listen to the news and see that not is all as it should be. The REAL issues are conspicuous by their absence. To quote Orwell;

"Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power." (Nineteen Eighty-Four, 1949)

In recent times many have railed against certain large corporations owing to their activities. This is legitimate in many cases but without LED technology, Rocketry, Cavity Magnetrons (in your microwave oven and also the basis of certain types of radar), Optics, all manner of radio technology and electronics etc. etc. Jimi Hendrix might have played a great acoustic guitar but without amplification and electronics he would not have sounded the same at all nor have been able to perform to the large numers of people he ultimately reached - be it via radio or recording technology or playing live. I could add many other players to that list. The entertainment industry today relies almost entirely on technology as well as, obviously, human effort.

To add to that, there would be no hook and loop fasteners, cinema, paint, frozen concentrated orange juice, television, the internet itself, hybridised high strength cannabinoids (with clinically proven medical benefits), certain life sustaining biochemical technologies and millions of other things. All of these things had their origins in nature (obviously) but were developed by the intellectual power of human effort, with persistence, experiment and success (after much failure usually) EVENTUALLY.

The difficulty with the huge corporations is that the powers that control them are motivated by the desire to profit monetarily, and as has been said; "It is the love of money that is the root of all evil". The management of the power of intellectual activity by those that seek profit may well be a big problem as if we all grow poorer (monetarily), AND we will all grow poorer in spirit, and, in turn,  those that seek profit will not profit monetarily UNLESS there is a far more sinister goal; to return huge swathes of humanity to slavery. Slavery was, after all, what built the Great Pyramids of Gizeh (along with some great intellectual power and engineering prowess - at least as far as I know). One must ask oneself; How was this power managed, and to what end or goal? Do those that seek to enslave see their role as a form of destiny? Sanctioned by God? What does this make you think of?

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Paradoxically in writing what I have above, I may have classified myself as something of a radical but I am not (except perhaps on guitar ;-)). I may even be considered naive or idealistic but I would prefer to consider myself pragmatic and hopefully practical. I aspire to tenacity but also being "real" and by that term I mean more genuine as a human being and certainly more realistic. I also aspire to cultivating a greater quality of what might be referred to as common sense. I would like there to be an end to human suffering, hunger, poverty, deprivation, warfare motivated by profit - I have zero problems with engaging with some "radical" marching towards me with the express intention of killing me. BUT it is INFORMATION that informs my descision making process. AND who or what controls the information as well as the sources from which it is obtained.  The privatisation of news services is a chilling threat to human "development".

In the main though a nice cup of tea, a decent meal, some good art, the sharing of respect and love for each other - the GOOD stuff basically, is what I like. I don't need a €5,000 suit, a €200,000 car, a mansion on the hill (or two or three) or any of that stuff. It is not about being in a competition (in a truly "crush the opposition" approach), it is about doing our best to be better human beings. Love thy neighbour etc. Unfortunately MONEY and the love of it will motivate all but the most stoic individual to do ANYTHING. And I mean ANYTHING. Possibly driven by fear of poverty, vanity to be a "have" rather than a "have not", or vanity to look "good" in front of others. One only has to look at the desire of many of the young to become "rich and famous" rather than a scientist, engineer or artist. A self delusional smokescreen to blind ourselves to our truly inherent and hardwired human nature. A sad and regrettable return to primitive behaviour. A behaviour that still exists amongst the uneducated and those that are deprived of REAL information that potentially could enrich the existence of all living things.

Regrettably we may have been conditioned throughout the ages, to keep the other guy down, win at all costs, look good etc. Have we unwittingly been subject to the distortion of messages of peace by those that seek to control? It is VERY possible. From the deserts of the Persian Gulf to the football fields of the kiddies league this may be happening. Our moral laziness prevents us from being the potentially super beings we KNOW we can be. No matter how much we try to distance ourselves from that knowledge.

This post has been a bit of a rant but I hope it has some clear meaning. I will offer with the words of Mohandas. K. Ghandi...

"The world has enough for every man's need but not every man's greed"

I wish you all of the best dear reader. I hope that my post has not offended. I do not seek to motivate ANYONE to do anything more radical than to ask themselves a few simple questions and be honest with themselves. This post has been a bit of a mish mash but it was done in "one take", it could have done with better structure and editing perhaps but I have tried to express myself clearly. To end with a previous pair of quotations I have posted...

"Love all, trust a few, hurt no one" - William Shakespeare

"It ain't braggin' if you can back it up" - Jaco Pastorius

To end, for now, be careful what you wish for.

California Dreaming

I realise that I haven't posted in a while but I have had a lot of stuff on and I guess I've been letting the depression get the better of me. I had an important job on a few weeks back and I was commended for my work by the principal. I felt very proud but after any high comes a low and I hit it in a big way. During the past few weeks I have experienced levels of depression that would normally only come during a bereavement or loss of a good friend, even a pet. It has been pretty horrible. My memory was shot, I kept making simple mistakes that in critical situations would have been disastrous. This depressed me even more. I guess a lot of men my age begin to get like that and even though I finished work blemish free (almost ;-) I began to succumb to feelings of redundancy and uselessness. 

I like to play guitar and have nearly always played without a pick/plectrum - these days my nails keep breaking but I am going to try and remedy that and get better at restoring my repertoire. Many years ago a VERY accomplished guitarist and great friend I know played me a classical piece called "Leanda" - it is technically very challenging but it was no bother to him. Once he reached the coda (the bit where you "go around again") he launched into "California Dreaming" by the '60's band "The Mamas and the Papas". The contrast made my heart leap and it was without doubt one of the most musically dramatic experiences of my life. I was very inspired but it would be a few years before I started to play myself.

For the past few weeks I have, like I said been feeling very down, worried about the planet and GMO's, the whole militarisation of police forces, "dark science", health for the elderly, mentally ill, disabled etc. This wasn't helped by all of the usual feelings of inadequacy. In turn THIS isn't helped by certain folks that like to spread rumours, "talk" (I have covered this countless times in previous blogs) and spread hatred. By trying to bring you down they artificially make themselves feel better. I know that I was beginning to show cracks in the armour and that was (and still is) to some extent being exploited. Screw 'em - they are just petty assholes. TWO in particular. What is worse is the malignancy of their bullshit and how it has influenced others. During the past year I have lost contact with quite a few old friends and some that I really trusted get visibly uncomfortable in my presence with mildly exaggerated "sincerity" and "friendliness". This is very obvious to a skilled observer.

Yesterday was one of my lowest days ever. I spent a lot of the day crying and wishing I could fix the world. I was terrified that my sleeping would be the usual "an hour here - an hour there" - waking, totally destroyed tired with my IBS going nuts. I cried as I tried to drift off to sleep and that was the last thing I remember, crying.

Then at some point during the night I had a dream. I have never been to California but that is where I think it was. I was with my family including my Grandparents and Great Grandfather (who I never knew). We were staying at a beach lodge where it was full of really nice people including a group of friends that I had never met. They were all pretty happy and healthy people. there was a cook-out and lots of fresh fruit, salads, cold beers - that kind of stuff. The weather was perfect. At some point I wanted to go for a swim but was warned about rip-tides in an area that I wanted to take a dip (even though I used to be a pretty good swimmer). At some point a man in a suit was stuck in the water in a Hummer (very large 4WD used by the military - and some others in the "entertainment" industry) and was beginning to take on water in a big way. He had a briefcase that he needed to take with him. I waded in and with the help of some surfer type random person that I didn't know we pulled the guy and his gear from the vehicle which was promptly dragged into the waves and was swallowed by the sea.

We helped the guy get himself together and bade him goodbye - he had to get back to work or something. During all of this there was a buzz going around about a big party that would be happening that night. All of my new friends were keen that I go as they heard that I liked a good party and played a "pretty cool guitar" (I don't really - I just sound a bit different). So myself and the family along with the new friends end up at another venue - a bit like the first one but this was in what seemed to be a college type neighbourhood. It was very similar, rustic bamboo counters, strong oak tables, lots of great food and plenty of people partying. At some point I was outside demonstrating the power of an engine that I had modified against a similar one that was not modded. My engine beat the ass off the other one and my Great Grandfather told me that he knew that I was right. My challenger was a chap that is currently "absentia ex patria" after doing some bad things and sadly telling a lot of untruths. I cannot be more detailed than that. After I had won our "burn-off", he slunk away, telling me that I was full of it. My Great Grandfather was just smiling at me and told me not to worry - he KNEW I was right.

I then went to look for my Brother who was said to be staying at his apartment to catch up on some sleep. I wanted to tell him about my engine victory. I entered a small mews that had about 6 or 7 small cars - all the same model. Apparently these were used by the students as transport - they were electric hybrids but I suggested that perhaps my engine could be used to replace the inefficient existing plant and optimise the drive to the electric portion of the overall power train. A really beautiful girl looked at me and just said; "Cool!" She was gorgeous. Just my type. Anyway, she told me where my Brother was (or so she thought) and she would take me there. We had to stop at her place as she had some tidying up to do. Her apartment was an amazing little place. I asked how could I get to live in a place like this? She replied that I would have to talk to the admissions officers but she knew I was a smart guy and that my college education should make it no problem (no logistics problems in this dream folks!!!)

Finally we arrived on the steps of an apartment building that had lots of "Tayto" (an Irish brand of potato crisp/chip) wrappers stuffed into a bin. I said that my Brother was real fan of these so we must have the right place. Then she told me she had to go but to stay in touch and keep up the good work on my engine. I remember her smiling as she turned to leave in denim shorts, sandals and a sports vest. Pretty brown eyes and freckles. I started knocking on the door of the apartment and I can hear "yeah, yeah, I'm coming! hang on!" It was then that I woke up.

Upon waking I felt like I had had one of the best nights of sleep of my life. I feel very motivated today. I hope you do too. I am sorry if this post was a bit rushed but I wanted to "cook it whilst it was fresh" so to speak. 

To end the post, some music. This song has been in my head for a few days but I thought it might be nice to post it here.

Thanks for reading folks. Stay cool and tuned in to the blog here. I have a feeling I'll be posting more soon. Have a great day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY0Pg2Gu5uM

Guided By Voices

The post title is not an allusion to paranoid schizophrenia or even the band of the same name but more of a description of what the spoken word can do to others and then, almost virally, even others beyond that. About a week ago I was making tea for my Mother and had just finished preparing it. My Mum likes sugar in her tea and always has whereas I cannot stand it although as a late teen I would take four or five teaspoons per cup. So there I was back in the kitchen preparing my own tea and making some toast. I finished doing that and then was walking to my chair to sit and enjoy my breakfast snack. I took a big gulp of tea and nearly threw up (got sick). What happened? I had put sugar in my own tea! I felt like a bit of an idiot but on reflection realised that I had distracted myself from a task that I have performed thousands of times. I ate my toast and then went and made another cup of tea, this time without sugar. The difference was amazing. It could have been one of the tastiest cups of tea I have ever had. I am beginning - somewhat paradoxically - to distract myself from the point I am trying to make. I theorised over this for a couple of days and apart from just dismissing it as absent mindedness I imagined the idea of auto-attention deficit disorder. This is conceptually a possibility but if anything the experience taught me to try and eat better so as to keep my concentration levels optimal.

I have been thinking a lot about my strategy for the coming summer and have decided not to rush into anything suddenly. Impulsiveness is a trait of those with ADD and Bipolar Disorder. I am sure that most people reading this might have heard the expression, "Many a foolish move was made in haste!" and to be certain I don't want to be foolish in my moves. I think that the impulsiveness can result from being stuck in a low period and then deciding that the best move would be to act quickly to augment the power of the new course of action. This has, as I have often found out, lead to creating situations that create further depression and disappointment which will more often than not put me in the trough of a "low" again.

In certain kinds of personal training it is common for a coach/drill instructor/teacher to create stressful situations for a trainee to test their ability to remain focused on the actual task they are performing without succumbing to the stress stimuli itself. Some variations of this kind of training use some VERY strong stress stimuli. Drawing a parallel with my own day-to-day  life I can say with confidence that stress itself - no matter how trivial - can affect performance, but then everyone knows that right?

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To return to the post title I wanted to speak about the whole "feathers gathering mud" thing. It is a bit like the childrens' game "Telephone".  I have written about this before but it is surprising that people that don't even know who you are can form very strong and sometimes, very influential ideas about WHO you are and WHAT you are about. Complete falsehoods but owing to the fact that they are delivered with persistence and fuelled by hatred they can become an accepted "truth". This is prevalent in all societies but I think that it is far more common amongst communities that were late to the table with communications technology or where the social divide is far greater. The worst of it is that lies themselves - when blended with just a dash of truth to add credence - can be very powerful things. This fact was not lost on some of the most evil people in history. Josef Goebbles (Hitler's Minister for Information) has been cited as having said that people will believe any lie provided you keep telling it. However my view is that the truth will always prevail.

I may have mentioned in a previous post about a scene in the 2011 film "Unknown" where Bruno Ganz' character 'Ernst Jurgen' says;

"In the Stasi, we had a basic principle: ask enough questions and a man who is lying will eventually change his story. But the man who tells the truth cannot change his, however unlikely his story sounds."

I truly believe this quotation to be quite brilliant, though one must remember that no-one is being interrogated and it does come from a movie. That is all I can write for now dear reader but thanks for 'tuning in'. It will be a little more than a week (though possibly less) before I can post again but I will. I will, because I must.

May your days be happy.

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Coming around again...

During the past year I have experienced a fairly hectic decline in my mood. I have had a few unpleasant things happen too but I try to look past them. It isn't any help that people that I used to be friendly with now avoid me or "don't see me" which is fine really. I think the thing that pisses me off most of all is the insincerity of it. I would prefer to be on the receiving end of honest opinion or even beyond that; politeness

In the six weeks or so since I last posted I have had WAAAAY more computer problems. I am pretty sure that I am being "sniffed" but I cannot be certain and anyone clever enough to be able to do the sniffing has got enough smarts to be able to stay in the shadows. I am pretty worried about all of this as identity theft is a reality and once someone has access to your online life then they can commit crimes by proxy. I can see this becoming a serious problem in the future that might only be able to be remedied by methods that could well encroach upon our civil liberties.

So, for now I am going to stop typing and ask that you check back in a few days. I intend to start a new 101 day adventure on the first anniversary of my previous one. Wherever you are; be happy, enjoy your days and please check back. I like being able to blog but it helps a great deal to know that my regular readers are still with me.

Best wishes to you all.

Day #295 - Oh Brother!

If you are reading this then you might be wondering what happened during the past couple of months. In a nutshell, I had a couple of episodes which both ended in hospitalisation. I was unhinged by a number of things and I am usually pretty good at keeping myself steady but it was tough. On top of all of this I had to deal with a threat of violence from an individual that would have little scruples about doing as much. In addition to the threats of violence I was warned to stay out of his way. The surprising thing is that this same person has in the past been very friendly but angry at turns. The term "mercurial" springs to mind. We have parted ways but the threat lingers. The person can be quite frightening. They may not realise that they can be like that but they are and that is for me a bit unsettling. Enough of that anyway - onward into the blog.

My absence has been due to the depression. One of the things that I have noticed with the bipolar thing is the way that following any kind of breakdown one can find themselves encumbered by the memories of past failures which in turn can exacerbate the condition. It would be no exaggeration to say that the thing can often feed itself. I was asked a little while back why I stopped blogging and if I planned to post again soon. Well here it is. This same person told me that they really enjoyed reading my posts. I am flattered by that although I remain at something of a loss as to what they find entertaining. Horses for courses though, so if they like it that is good enough for me. In the last entry I posted I was telling the story of a friend that had spent some time in the psychiatric ward of our local hospital during Christmas. The chap that got a screwdriver set. Remember?

He told me that there was never any effort made to part him from his screwdrivers. What he did with them I found pretty funny. At quiet times he would zoom about the ward and start unscrewing tabletops, cupboard doors, pictures etc. He also managed to gain access to an old style notice board with the letters supported on a board filled with holes to accommodate the pegs on the back of the letters. This type of display was quite common in barbershops and some cafes some years ago. Once he managed to get to the letters he set about rearranging the letters to create "new" messages. One of these read; "Welcome to the Nuthouse - we're all mad here!" He told me that whilst a few of the patients noticed the new text, the nursing staff were oblivious to it. Needless to say, those that were "in the know" got a great laugh out of it. 

I remember the very first time that I spent some time "in the unit", as they say, and I was amazed first of all, to meet a couple of people that I knew from my ordinary life. There were a number of respected business people, a policeman (retired), a professional athlete and several academics. This was something of a revelation to me as I had been of the somewhat naieve impression that the other patients would all be "nutters". This is a view that is still widely held amongst many. What changed it for me was PERSPECTIVE. I knew that I wasn't crazy but there was a genuine reason that I was in there obviously. I had a talk with one of the nursing staff and he told me that there was nothing to worry about and that the reason I was where I was, was a legitimate one and that I should use the opportunity to rest. He also told me that there was a reason why such places were formerly known as asylums. He asked me to consider the true meaning of the word asylum and it was at that point it became clear to me that I was where I was for the sake of my safety and that whilst I could leave when I wanted to it was recommended that I stay at least a week and talk to some professionals about my situation. One thing that became clear to me very quickly was that it was very much driven by the "requirement" that I started taking medication. This was the beginning of a pretty rough ride for me and I tried many different kinds during the following year. I just stayed a couple of weeks as an in-patient but for the next year or so I was meeting doctors regularly. I found that to be quite difficult. One of the things that I didn't enjoy was being "processed". I think that the majority of psychiatrists like their patients to fit into a specific category and should the patient fall outside of that classification then they may be construed as awkward or "difficult". In my own private life I have had intimate relationships with a couple of  psychiatrists - LONG before my first visit to the unit or any facility and baack when stuff was pretty "normal" - and I found their own mental health to be slightly away from the norm. In retrospect I can imagine that they may well have been affected to some extent by the things that they have encountered in their own professional lives. I don't think about that too much though as I find that it cultivates feelings of anxiety as well as being completely unnecessary. 

Medication has helped me in the past but I think that the one thing that works better than any medication is a normal and stress free existence. The threats of violence that I described above certainly didn't help me feel better at all. I am glad to be passed all that. The best things for me are good food, plenty of rest, some light exercise, or even full-on physical work and the company of genuinely good people that don't have an agenda or some kind of hidden desire to see you suffer. The lobsters that I have often spoken about are often the ones that can make my mental health deteriorate. And, like I have said in many previous posts, these lobsters take a great deal of pleasure out of that. It is a sort of moral sadism. These people are best avoided.

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Last Friday night I went out in the evening for the first time in nearly three months. I had a wonderful time and a good laugh. It helped that I was in the company of some people that are genuinely nice. I am very lucky to have the REAL friends that I do. I feel even happier that I enjoy regular correspondence with a fellow radio enthusiast whom I have never met in person. I consider this person to be one of my closest friends. Another thing that I have become aware of is the potential for unpleasantness that social networking websites afford those lobsters that seek to hurt and damage you. I draw a parallel to the "proximity effect" described by Heisenberg. These individuals "play to the gallery" so to speak. Their astonishingly wonderful lives - on the social network - are geared to cultivating the impression that they are wonderful people that lead an existence bordering on the fantastic and that you, as a "friend", can enjoy a part of that. A true friend will be part of the good stuff in your life but the individual that just uses social networking to let everyone know how brilliant everything in their life is going is really just displaying deep insecurity under the veneer of their supposed "fabulousness". To once again quote J.P. Sartre; "Hell is other people".

I will conclude this post with a couple of quotations that I put side by side almost twenty years back. I even printed them up on a sign and put it on the wall of a shared office I worked in briefly. They fit together pretty well.

                   "Love all, trust a few, hurt no one"  - William Shakespeare

                    "It ain't bragging if you can back it up!" - Jaco Pastorius

Until next time dear reader, I will bid you adieu but do stop by again sometime. I hope to post more regularly in future. To be honest, I have missed the enjoyment of putting down a few thoughts about what it is to be....

L8R's