Day #10 - The quality of human nature

It is a funny thing really - people can actually be nice if you are nice to them. I haven't been "forcing" niceness upon people but I think you get out of life what you put in. Now, to some folks that may seem obvious but in the fog of the past few years it is something that I have only occasionally noticed.

I was supposed to be going to the hospital today for an X-Ray on my shoulder, which has been pretty sore nearly all the time after a fall that I had about a month or so ago. I knew that I had done damage but I toughed it out because were I to have been strapped up or put in a cast I would not have been able to have looked after the stuff that I normally do at home. I love being able to take care of stuff for my Mother - she did it for me so it is just natural that I do it for her. The idea of meeting a radiographer that was at the end of their shift and especially after a Friday night here in town, well, it might have been a poor judgement. I have been like this for a month so it might not make too much difference to go on Monday morning. I will. Anyway, I wanted to talk about human nature.

I made my shopping list and set out to town after I fixed a bass guitar. I was handed it with the information that it was "not working". I was expecting to have a fairly big job on. It was an "active" bass - which means that it has battery powered tone circuitry inside the instrument. I set it down and opened it up. The first thing I checked was the internal battery. It was as dead as a dead thing. I replaced the battery and BAM! It worked. While I was inside it I cleaned the pots (controls) and gave it a scrub. The whole thing took less than half an hour. I couldn't really charge for it so I just asked for lunch money from my client and went about my business.

Then I went to the local market to get my constitutional Mattar Paneer from the Hare Krishna guy. There is normally quite a queue but today I just walked right up to the trailer and was served instantly. It was delicious as usual. I then marched off to get the rest of the shopping. Not a queue to be tackled. It was amazing, especially on a Saturday. Not too many rudderless people either. The biggest surprise was when I went to a computer shop to ask about a second hand MacMini. The guy told me that they were a bit thin on the ground as people tended to hang onto them. I also asked if he had a USB extension cable - the guy in the shop just turned and picked one straight out of a pile of cables and as I was reaching into my pocket he said - "That's a gift!"  - I felt so happy I nearly burst into tears at this simple act of generosity. After the disparaging nonsense of earlier in the week - as well as my van failing its' DOE (vehicle roadworthiness test) - this was like some kind of karmic payback. I felt instantly elevated.

The Ladies at the checkouts in the various shops and supermarkets that I visited all seemed to give me genuine smiles. I just kept feeling better and better. I don't know if this is an upshot of the positive vibes that I've been getting but it has to be something along those lines. I am going to make an effort to be nicer to others because it really IS worth it. NOT in a mercenary sense.

I know of an individual that seems to work hard at that and it doesn't require phenomenal powers of observation to tell that they are doing it in a self righteous and self serving way. It amazes me that others are taken in by it but I have seen the reality and even experienced it from time to time and I can only wonder what it is/was that has made this person that way. This same character plays people off against eachother but in a very subtle and passive way - perhaps to cultivate the impression that they are sincere. They are actually only lying to themselves - as well as others. It must be sort of lonely. It certainly is sad and largely unpleasant.

I was married once upon a time and my ex-wife (Japanese) used to have unique approach to speaking English. She used to have a saying "What is wrong be nice" - I used to translate this in my head as "What is wrong? Be nice!" but it is only in the years that have passed since we parted that I finally understood that what she was really saying was "What is wrong with being nice?". I felt so ashamed and pissed off with myself when I came to that realisation but it is only in the wake of it, and today more than ever, that I realise what a beautiful heart and soul that she had. My self absorbed nature and mania completely pushed that off my radar. I regret my ignorance so very much now. I hope that can one day I could meet her again and explain how sorry I am. I don't want to re-establish the relationship but I wouldn't mind letting her know that now I am a bit closer to understanding what she meant. I wish I was fluent in Japanese so I could get my point across with accuracy and attendant good nature. I have get my French back up to scratch first before learning another language and before THAT, I have a mission to complete.

My thoughts today are that I have wasted a lot of time being ignorant to the feelings of those that were genuine and invested FAR too much time in attending to the whims and fancies of the ignorant themselves. I think that everybody knows some ignorant asswipes and I don't think that many or even any will change. It is the greed for the endorsement of others and to be seen as "someone special" that has blinded them to the fact that by actually forgetting the "self" the could - inadvertently perhaps - end up becoming better people. None of us though are immune to human failings.  I think that the recent rise of the importance of mindfulness is indicative of this. Folks - some at least - are cottoning on to the fact that being an asshole is no way to live a life. That said they will shield themselves in the armour of self-righteousness and carry on without any REAL care for others whilst maintaining the self delusional fantasy that they are "good people". They may carry all the "hallmarks" of good but under it all there is a self serving agenda at work. That is sad I think and perhaps these people should be given a wide berth, if only to give them the breathing space to sort themselves out - should they ever come to the realisation that maybe the fake shit is just that - fake.

Perhaps that is what Jean Paul Sartre was driving at when he described the existentialist dilemma; "Hell is other people". I've been to a few weddings in my life and I have heard, more than once, an individual or group of folks dissing others only to offer them pleasantries or a drink in the next breath they make after meeting them - however accidently or by design. They are trying to keep their guard up - be in two (or more) moral positions at the same time. That is self delusional in my book. Orwell might have been hinting at it in the concept of "Doublethink" that he describes in his magnum opus "Nineteen eighty four" or is it "1984" - what matter. I hope you can understand what I am on about.

I will close for now dear reader but I will post a link to a tune that made a big impression on me when I was just a child. I can still turn it on, on my "mental jukebox" at will. It was whilst writing this post that I thought of it again. It never fails to move me - there may be pathos or sentimentality in there but it has always struck a chord with me. Just to finish I will quote Neil Peart from Canadian band Rush - "...and the things that we fear are weapons to be used against us...". Well, fear not, because it is quite possible Franklin D. Roosevelt may well have hit the nail on the head when he asserted "The only thing we have to fear - is fear itself!"