Day #142 - Whatever...

Back when I restarted this blog a few months back, it was to help assist me get some perspective and what way I responded to stuff. It has been helpful and I enjoy writing when I can. It was a sort of therapy to be able to describe things as they are. I am bipolar and that can be tough for others as well as the sufferer themselves. I have found myself lately very depressed because of continuing attacks on my van and not being able to earn properly, move around, get stuff done.

I have ordered some cctv gear and hope to get the house well camd up. Remote viewing will be a necessity along with regular uploads to the "cloud" (never really liked that term). Anyway with luck and some work things will start to take a better tack soon. I am fed up of sleeplessness, lack of appetite, general listlessness and occasional teariness.

A taxi driver that carried my Mother back from day care today wondered aloud/asked why I hadn't found myself some fine, well off woman (or something..) I was quite surprised by this question though it was just a friendly remark. It made me think of my history with the ladies. I have never been great "boyfriend" material. I have never been good at saying the right stuff because that is just game playing and I have a lot more respect for women than that. Then there is the general scruffiness that goes with being an old tech/guitar fiend/geek (LONG before the term was invented!) I have been married, as I have mentioned in a previous post and realise that she is far better off without me. I hope that she is happy. My depression made things tough for both of us. Not everyone's cup of tea.

Owing to all of the recent vandalism and a general sense of disarray I have been on a severe down. The two worst things about it are the sleeplessness and fatigue during the day. My appetite is also shot. I have no idea in any concrete way of who might be doing this stuff but I will find out and will seek the strongest penalties. The physical effects are worse than the financial ones.

In the ten or so days since I last posted I have been right in it and it has been shit. I prefer when people are at peace with themselves as well as others. I like to feel positive when writing and try in some way to write something that is worthwhile reading and not just an occasional moan. I don't like it when it feels like that.

I haven't done a THING with radio. A fortnight back I was conducting experiments with gusto and enthusiasm yet since the dog got back in I have just ignored it. I hope to get back to that with some renewed vigour when this passes. Hopefully a couple of cameras can bring me closer to normality and thus onward to productive work at peace, at home with my Mother. 

She gets a real buzz out of it - hearing foreign radio hams talking to eachother. When I was starting out I have to give my Mum most of the credit for sustaining my interest in electronics. It was her that ensured I could get my bulbs, batteries and switches to play with. In fact, even my Grandmother played an important role too. I remember her taking me on a 300 mile round-trip train journey to buy the necessary components for a radio I was building. I find it ironic that the plans for the radio were in a wonderful Ladybird book that she bought for me. The book was written by Rev G.C. Dobbs. Rev. Dobbs is the founder and chairman of the GQRP Club - dedicated to low power radio. I have been a member for a few years now and still get a wonderful surprise when the quarterly A5 sized journal drops through the letterbox. Radio has always meant a lot to me.

I sometimes do work on music tech stuff, mainly guitars which I been messing with for almost 30 years. Electronics for over 40. I am getting older now and my eyesight isn't what it once was but I do still intend to keep going with this fascinating hobby.

So, I guess that's it until the next time.. I do enjoy wring this because there ARE people that read it and if they get any kind of insight or entertainment (for want of a better word) then I am glad. I'm going to try and steer out of this with effective work. Better get started on the evening's comestibles.

Thanks for reading. Peace be with you.