For the past six weeks I have been prescribed Mirtazipine to "stabilize my mood". I have been on all manner of SSRI's and other medications for depression in the past but until the latest episode that led to this round of meds I was med free for almost nine years. I know that the doctors have a job to do but this stuff that I have been taking is bonkers.

Short term memory loss has been a problem as has a dramatically increased appetite. I like the odd bit of chocolate but five toblerones in a sitting, a 16" pizza with six toppings twice in a week, followed by tea and fruit cake is just crazy.

The memory loss is the worst of all. Last week I spent almost half an hour searching for a test meter that was only inches away from me for all of that time. Forgetting things that I just thought of, as well as bouts of pure mania, making endless lists of "important stuff to do" as well as looking into the future (not literally of course) about this, that and the other thing that needs to be done. It has all got to be far too disturbing. And don't even get me started on the physical effects; shortness of breath, chest pains etc.

I am not saying that anyone should stop taking their meds. Not at all. BUT I cannot function like this. I sometimes deal with VERY high voltages doing hobby stuff (I'm an electronics enthusiast) and I don't want to fry myself all because I didn't realise that I hadn't switched something off. Then there are countless spelling mistakes in emails. Absent mindedness; I left the keys in my bike twice last week. Rash descisions; I impulsively sold a fantastic radio I saved for months to buy for just pennies. Bonkers. I also swapped a beautiful guitar for a tiny wind turbine that I don't actually need. It is all very "not me".

I think that it is time to just get back to being real. If that means periods of depression, well, that has to be better than what I have been through in the last month or more. An alternative strategy is called for.

I'm done with it. Time for a new tack.

Right now I feel pretty rotten so I am going to try and change that with potatoes, hard work and the cultivation of small victories. An old Chinese saying goes; "Drops of water will, in time, wear away a stone yet a rainstorm will leave it unchanged".

That's it for today, time to get back on the horse.