Day #114 - Making up ones' mind

In the near two weeks since I last blogged some pretty wild and crazy stuff has happened. I thought that everything was ok and for a few days it was. I went out to do my usual stuff but slowly I began to get a bit down. I missed the old inertia that I had been enjoying for a few months there and just shrugged it off as some mild depression. BUT in the past week I have been ungood. I have pissed off a good man that I have nothing but respect and admiration for. I have harmed myself quite a bit - way too much actually. I have been unpleasant to certain people that didn't need that kind of rhetoric and almost ended up in a fight with two different people for no good reason apart from the fact I had been self-medicating with drink and was just putting my shit in their way. In my personal life I have never really been everyone's "cup of tea". I know one guy that just HATES to see me happy so he makes a few oblique insults and then pisses all over my back when it is turned. I have met folks that I was hitting it off with quite well but after as little as half an hour I end up getting a negative vibe from them all because of the LIES that this guy tells them about me. This is the same individual that very quietly  and in a faux-conspiratorial fashion spread a rumour that I was a sex offender. THAT hurt and still does but it is just more lies and so at the end of the day it isn't such a big deal. I don't expect that he will ever change but that is because he is a coward and totally false, both to himself AND others. If he was hit by a train tomorrow I could only wonder if many people had their own journey delayed.

The other thing I have noticed during the past couple of weeks is the slowing down in my productivity. I have let a lot slide. Since my van was first vandalised it has happened again twice. I suspect the individual responsible has some kind of grudge. I still don't have all the evidence I need but I know that they are pretty close to me, they have transport, they probably have a key for the van and they have a pretty clear idea of my movements. Last Saturday morning I went to my vehicle to drive to have a cooked breakfast at one of my favourite eateries. The van was running badly and I lifted the hood only to find that the clutch actuator had been interfered with. I tried to drive home but my transmission was destroyed within a mile. The worst of it is that I had to pawn one of my favourite instruments to raise the fundage to pay for the repair. Last night someone siphoned off all of the fuel in the tank. This is making things most inconvenient for me and my Mother. I don't really have an income as a full-time carer so the expense is a bit much. When I manage to get the funds together I am going to try and get some cctv installed. I have actually done a few cctv installs but to put in the system I need I am looking at quite a few shillings.

Anyway, dear reader, thanks for sticking with me for the past couple of weeks. I still have plenty to relate and HOPE to publish a new antenna design in the next few weeks. Well, it's more of a refinement of an existing design but aimed at those with limited space, funds and technical skills. I have a few bugs to iron out and then hopefully...

G'nite to you, sleeping time now.