Day #47 - Not that clever really

I remember once I was quite good friends with a character that I met at college. He was quite a bit younger than I and we met at a meeting of the college computer society. I felt really out of it at that first meeting but this chap was friendly and didn't seem to be as immersed in the same sort of self-congratulatory BS that many people that I have encountered in the world of computing are. We hit it off pretty well and became good friends. I thought so anyway. We ended up sharing an apartment for a while and had some pretty wild nights on the gargle. I introduced him to a lot of music and guitar stuff and he helped me quite a lot with my studies in computing. After a few years I began to see that a lot of my naive antics were something of an embarrassment to this guy and to be honest they were embarrassing to me in hindsight. I can understand why the quality of the friendship diminished and finally ended. Stuff like that can happen in all of our lives. It isn't such a big deal really. I was reminded today though after reading about someone that described how their behaviour alienated others and how it contributed to the severity of their depression. Now, I need to be clear, I am not in the least bit depressed that I am no longer associated with this person, far from it, I am glad because as it turns out the poor guy was not exactly the most honest or reliable of individuals. He had such a well developed skill in insincerity towards me and some others that was masked by a facade of honesty. Upon reflection this guy really had some issues in my opinion. I hope that he can recognise that they exist within him because ultimately he is probably not being honest with himself except in the voraciousness of his insincerity. This characteristic might well be seen by this chap (and his REAL friends) as a virtue but the fact of the matter is that it is insecurity that led him to behave as he did and most likely continues to. The passive BS and the "sharing" of hatred are the things that made me realise that his whole frame was very primitive but had all of the operational faculty of a very evolved person. It is a tautology that one can be primitively advanced and also a paradox. What is it that drives a person to smile through gritted teeth? To willingly engage with someone that they find unpleasant? I believe that it is a kind of self loathing projected onto another. I have touched upon this in previous posts but the thing that I find most interesting about it is that the sadistic "fear" that motivates such an individual can itself evolve into something far more toxic especially when the individual seeks the pseudo-intellectual endorsement of their peer group. Even covertly their actions are recorded in their own memory and carried along with them, referred to in a future time as some kind of "fuel" for being what ultimately must and can only accurately be described as an asshole. It is a currency amongst certain groups of people that they carry to others in order to gain their acceptance and "respect" but, again paradoxically, their inherent shortcoming is that they are cultivating the same sort of behaviour in others and ultimately setting themselves up for a dose of medicine similar to that which they have served upon others. In "Lord of The Flies", William Golding illustrates the group dynamic wonderfully and all manner of unpleasantness ensues towards the end of the book. It is only when the boys are rescued that "everything" goes "back to normal" and the primal urges subside. Regrettably the arrival of "rescuers" is happening less and less in the world owing to the fact that the value system of "evolved primitives" is all pervading and before much longer the behaviour itself will become "normal". By extension it is probable that a greater level of primitive behaviour will develop. Collectively this will be to the detriment of society in general. In can be summed up perhaps with the deep down belief that "I've had my fun and that ALL that matters!"*

That is not to say that all assholes have to be like that but it is true that a real asshole knows the difference between being sound and  being an asshole and yet chooses to be an asshole. I guess that is what makes them a REAL asshole.

I remember hearing a joke from the local kids when I first arrived in Ireland. I expect versions of it must exist everywhere but then again I would not be so surprised if they didn't. Basically the joke goes; Q. Why does a dog lick his balls? A. Because he can! For YEARS I never understood that "joke" but my reading of it as it eventually came to me was that someone will do something if they are able to do it. A sort of delineation of self absorbtion with regard to others. This is notwithstanding the "popular" interpretation of the thing that could well be; "We'd all be licking our own balls if we could!". I don't really want to even think about that. I do understand the whole self-indulgence angle. This though in my mind is a complete abandonment of civilisation (as it exists with ourselves). It is the absence of discipline, which to quote Robert Fripp is; " a means to an end and not an end in itself". It is to completely abandon the opportunity for us to develop as genuine and authentic human beings.

Something perhaps we all ought be mindful of lest we turn into assholes.

* Uttered by "Father Fintan Stack" played by Irish entertainer Brendan Grace in the 'Father Ted' episode, "New Jack City".