Day #175 - Too long off the bridge...

 
I cannot believe that it is almost three weeks since I posted. I suppose it could have been called a funk or something. For many days I arrived at some fertile post title and was immediately flooded by ideas but then, as is so often the case; POOF!  Gone. Smashed like a billiard ball out of the path of the "right thing" by a bombardment of "new" information. The first book about ADD that I looked at following my diagnosis was called "Driven To Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driven_to_Distraction_%28ADHD%29

"New" information is the term I use to refer to any stimulus that distracts from the desired object of focus. When I first started reading about some of those with ADD it was like reading a biography of myself in some cases. The desire to seek out high-stimulation situations and environments as well as the total willingness to "throw caution to the wind" whilst simultaneously KNOWING that this wasn't really quite right. It always seemed to me that I knew but only afterwards or long before, never at the time in question. That often lead to what can only be described as stupid behaviour. One of the things that I recognise in the condition is the whole being guided as it were, by the constant bombardment of new and interesting "things". Whilst ADD has to a great extent enabled me to learn about many different things it has been a curse when it comes to staying focused. There are times though during which it is possible to hyperfocus. You can get completely immersed in whatever it is you are doing and usually make a great job of it. IF one can keep that momentum going then  it can be great. There is then of course, the looming difficulty in the whole "getting too high" thing that I have covered previously Once mania steps in the inevitable crash makes it tedious. One can also become very laissez faire about whatever it is they become in engaged in too, confident that all will be well but in actual fact the waters are rising around you quietly. Sometimes it is good to know when stupidity is getting an upper hand.

I chose the title of this post to describe a Master or Commander of a vessel, absent from the bridge and thus their true responsibilities. I don't want to lend too much gravity to it but even writing a blog like this is a responsibility to myself and I ought be doing more. I chose the title to describe the laxness on that front but also the "fog" that one can find themselves in difficult waters. It can help to be able to see better.

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For the past couple of weeks (months?) I have been trying to get my van sorted out with all of the necessary documents for roadworthiness. The cost of the mandatory test is €111.16 with a retest fee of €43.58 - the retest to be taken within 21 days. I have spent a bunch of money on this van and it is just gobbling it up. The thing failed the test last week after I had new tyres fitted and had some brake hoses replaced. There are a few things that will cost more money to put right after the test revealed the need for a number of pretty expensive parts that will be time consuming to fit. There is no doubt that having the van is great and being able to move around is VERY useful but the expense so far has been punishing in terms of the "hidden extras".

I don't really have that much more to report for now only to apologise for the protracted absence to those that read regularly. Welcome too to all of those reading in new parts of the world. Like I have written more than a few times, I will try harder to write more often. It just gets a bit foggy sometimes when there is so much that needs to be done.