The very thing that impedes me is me. The cycle runs thus; I wake and with a pretty reliably fixed set of tasks to perform upon rising I find that stuff has altered and my expectations, however reasonable, have not been met. Like an idiot I succumb to rage via infantile indignance. I rage and rant and then after deciding that I must be punished I sit. And wallow. Shortly after an hour or so of that and pure self hatred, owing to my feelings of inadequacy to deal with the situation, I become a bit more calm in my disappointment. Nonetheless, time is wasted and I was the one that frittered it away on uselessness.
The best part of the day is upon rising. If we can cultivate pure positivity AT THAT TIME we may end up getting a great day out of it. That is what yesterday was like, really good. A lot got done and it was real productive stuff. Attended to business in the morning, started a blog, had a top breakfast, studied and wrote and played a bit of guitar in the evening. It was pretty good. Today is not so fizzy. Better try and get some fizz into the rest of it early on in the game. I so want this to be done.
The awfulness of depression is that it cuts right to the stuff that brings you there. When you're in it, you're in it. I dislike being at the hands of this thing when it gets in. I so want this to be done. I love my cat too. It's just a matter of steering through it but to be honest, time is the enemy, along with an enormous propensity for distractions and all the wonder/blunder that they possess.
